well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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