I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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