we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
