I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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