Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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