the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
