You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize