Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
