He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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