Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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