out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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