I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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