just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
