yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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