unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Come see our sink grown plant.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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