I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
