If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm too high and old for this...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
