Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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