you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
