You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize