you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
