I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
