I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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