Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
