i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
