oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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