Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
