It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize