my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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