my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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