Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
