nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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