We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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