You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Two words: nipple clamps
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