A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Never underestimate the power of titties
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
