By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize