It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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