when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I'm really busy with my period
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