I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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