Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
