College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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