How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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