All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
