I love black thongs
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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