I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
please come you make the beer taste better
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
