i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
