dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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