Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
