everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
