i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
