her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Randomize
