Swine flu. Run for my life!
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize