Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
