I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
