You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
