She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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