She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
