i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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