Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
