I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
