i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
And then my night got REAL pukey
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
