The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
