please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
