WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I have aggressive nipples.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
