i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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