Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
