No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
