Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
