If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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