Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
