How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
