hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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