Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
