The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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