Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
