hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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