I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
