Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
